Why Do Ungratifying Household Chores Continue to Fall on Women’s Shoulders?

tired mother doing laundry and house chores

Who does the laundry in your house? Who cleans the bathroom? And who does the cooking? I’m not talking about preparing a fancy exotic dish on the weekend, no. Who does the boring everyday cooking? You know, on those days when you have no idea what to make for dinner and you really want something fast and simple…

In Australia, women spend on average one extra hour a day on unpaid household tasks compared to men (Australian Bureau of Statistics, 2022). Inequalities in chore repartition within a household tend to increase when children are born. This huge share of domestic work that falls on our shoulders is a real issue: it negatively impacts on our careers and on our health.

What Social Role Theory tells us

Full disclosure, this blog article stems from my recent assignment in a Social Psychology course where I undertook to explain gender inequalities in household chores through the lens of social role theory. I quite enjoyed this assignment, and I thought I might share my findings with you.

So first, what is social role theory? Social role theory was developed by Alice Eagly in the 1980s and proposes that gender stereotypes arise from the traditional division of labour, where men used to act as breadwinners and women as homemakers (Eagly, 1987). This theory stipulates that women are seen as more cooperative and nurturing because these characteristics align with their homemaker role. Conversely, according to this theory, assertiveness and leadership skills are usually attributed to men because traditionally, they were the ones who engaged in paid activities.

We can agree that these are clichés which fortunately, have been challenged over the past decades. More and more women embrace an ambitious career while some men happily step into the roles of stay-at-home dads. But paradoxically, for women, being employed doesn’t necessarily mean fewer domestic responsibilities. Actually, women who earn more than their male partner usually pick up a heavier load of house chores (Syrda, 2022).

mother organising the living room

The powerful impact of societal norms

This last fact seems counterintuitive: if someone is contributing more financially, shouldn’t they reduce their non-financial contributions? This is what the exchange-bargaining theory would predict: assuming people don’t enjoy house chores, when a spouse brings a higher amount of resources (i.e. money) to the relationship, they’re in better position to negotiate out of unpleasant tasks. And this is indeed what is observed in heterosexual households when the male partner brings home the larger income. In those cases, the more money a woman makes, the less housework she does - one reason being that she outsources more. But this dynamic shifts when the woman becomes the breadwinner of the household! It was found that when women contribute more than half of the household income, women also took on more of the domestic tasks (Bittman et al., 2003).

So what’s happening here? What we’re observing is a “gender deviance neutralization pattern”. Put simply, women who bring home more money violate the traditional gender norms which stipulate that men should be the ones providing for the family. As a result, women breadwinners might compensate by doing more traditionally feminine household tasks in an attempt to protect their husband’s masculinity.

The main issue with gender norms is that they are highly pervasive, they influence everyone! You might unconsciously abide by those stereotypic norms even if you wholeheartedly reject them.

Does gender equality in chore repartition really matters?

YES! And the main reason is that it affects mums’ wellbeing. There is a huge mental load associated with running a household, especially when it also includes taking care of children. This overwhelming burden is usually taken on by women and has been referred to as the invisible load of motherhood. This burden is associated with high level of stress, ultimately affecting our physical health. Mothers work double shift. Once they’ve finished their workday, their unpaid duties start: dinner, bathtime, bedtime, cleaning, laundry… This is exhausting! And this also negatively impacts on our career progression and earning abilities (Reich-Stiebert et al., 2023). Sadly, this is a vicious cycle, because women who earn less feel that they should do more housework, and the more house chores they do, the less time and energy they have to take on leadership roles at work, and their prospects to obtain a pay rise become slimmer 🤯

Side note, this only applies to women: Bittman et al. found that Australian men who bring home less money do not compensate by doing more chores.

Let’s acknowledge that the goal is not achieve 50/50 chore repartition no matter what. The goal is to find the right balance for you and for your family. Repartition does not need to equal to be fair. But you and your partner need to work as a team to best support each other. If you’re happy to take on most of the housework because you actually enjoy it, or because it is your way to show your appreciation to the family, you do you! However, if you feel that you’re drowning under the never-ending list of chores, if you think that your “home duties” prevent you from advancing your career or if you develop feelings of resentment towards your partner, it’s probably time for a change.

What can you do?

Some things may be outside of your control, such as societal attitudes, or even your partner’s behaviour and beliefs. So, let’s focus on what is within your immediate power.

Start questioning why the things are the way they are. For instance, you might be in charge of dinner preparation because it is something you enjoy, and this is great. But you might also have unconsciously endorsed this responsibity because cooking is tacitly assumed to be a women’s role. This is still fine if you consider this to be fair. But if you actually hate cooking and there is no valid reason for you to be solely in charge, you might want to have a conversation with your partner.

Let go of your fear of judgement. This is not an easy one. But in my opinion, this is where we can regain our power. Most of us have internalised societal expectations that we are the ones responsible for homemaking and child caring. As a simple example, you might spend more time cleaning compared to our partner because as a woman you’re more likely to be judged if the house is messy. Who has ever blamed dad for a messy house? But what do YOU think? Do you consider cleaning the house to be your own responsibility or should this responsibility be shared with your partner (and possibly with the children if they are old enough)? Once you stop worrying about what others might think, you can start focusing on what really matters to you and to your family.

Acknowledge that societal expectations are unrealistic. This should help you apply the previous advice! We’re constantly bombarded with messages telling us how to be a “good mum”. We’re pressured to sacrifice ourselves for our family, to be present for our kids, to maintain a perfect house, to cook healthy nutritious meals, to be a “good wife”, and so on… Well, let’s face it, we can’t do it all. Because we’re simply human. So, let’s accept and embrace our imperfections.

Sources

 Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2022, July 10). Females do more unpaid work, males do more paid work. https://www.abs.gov.au/media-centre/media-releases/females-do-more-unpaid-work-males-do-more-paid-work

 Eagly, A. H. (1987). Sex differences in social behavior: A social-role interpretation. Lawrence Erlbaum.

Syrda, J. (2022). Gendered housework: Spousal relative income, parenthood and traditional gender identity norms. Work, Employment and Society, 37(3), 794-813. https://doi.org/10.1177/09500170211069780

 Bittman, M., England, P., Sayer, L., Folbre, N., & Matheson, G. (2003). When does gender trump money? Bargaining and time in household work. American Journal of Sociology, 109(1), 186-214. https://doi.org/10.1086/378341

Reich-Stiebert, N., Froehlich, L., & Voltmer, J.-B. (2023). Gendered mental labor: A systematic literature review on the cognitive dimension of unpaid work within the household and childcare. Sex Roles, 88(11), 475-494. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-023-01362-0

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