Why Women Should Brag More but Resist Doing so?
Are you quietly doing your job thinking that your manager will eventually notice the quality of your work and give you the credit that you deserve? Unfortunately, no matter how well-earned that recognition may be, it might never come. To succeed in your career, you need to promote yourself.
If the simple idea of advocating for yourself makes you feel uncomfortable, you’re certainly not alone. In this blog article, I explore how gender norms influence why women often downplay they own contributions. Let’s look at how you can assert your worth in a confident (but non-arrogant) way and take meaningful steps forward in your career.
Women don’t promote themselves
Let’s start by clarifying what we mean by “promoting yourself”. This blog isn’t about exaggerating your abilities or making others believe you're something you're not. It’s about openly sharing your achievements when you genuinely believe you’ve done a good job.
This brings us to the first gender gap: how we evaluate ourselves. Researchers examined how men and women described their performance on a math and science test (Exley & Kessler, 2022). Interestingly, women performed slightly better than men, but they believed they had done worse. Even more surprising, this difference in self-evaluation persisted even after participants were shown their actual results. In other words, when men and women perform equally well, men tend to report their performance more positively than women do.
The second gender difference lies in the language we use to describe our work. An analysis of hundreds of thousands of clinical research articles revealed that when women were leading the work, they were less likely to use positive terms such as “novel”, “unique”, or “promising”, and more likely to use words like “supportive” to describe their findings (Lerchenmueller et al., 2019). This subtle difference in language can have real consequences: it often results in fewer citations of the research, ultimately leading to a lower impact.
What gender norms have to do with this?
Research has shown that women are effective negotiators when advocating for others, but not as much when negotiating for themselves. While women are just as capable as men when it comes to promoting a peer, the difference emerges in self-promotion. Moss-Racusin and Rudman (2010) proposed the backlash avoidance model to explain this phenomenon: women may fear the consequences of violating gender stereotypes that expect them to be helpful, supportive, and other-oriented.
This fear is not unfounded. Assertiveness is generally viewed positively in men, but in women, it is often perceived as aggressiveness. For example, in an experimental setting, male managers were more willing to work with “nice” women who accepted their initial compensation offers than with women who attempted to negotiate for higher pay (Bowles et al., 2007)
Why is it important to “brag” and how you can do it?
There are situations where, no matter how much you dislike bragging, you do need to advocate for yourself: when you're applying for a job, aiming for a promotion, or negotiating your salary, for instance. Other situations might be less obvious, like when you're simply seeking broader recognition beyond formal frameworks.
The reality is, people don’t always notice your achievements. You don’t remember everything you’ve done, and neither does your manager. Others don’t necessarily see your day-to-day efforts, so sometimes you have to speak up in order for them to recognise your value. Plus, while some workplaces actively promote their top performers, others may be content to keep you at a lower pay rate, even if you're doing exceptional work. If you don’t ask, you might just save them money.
So, you want to establish your worth, but you don’t want to come off as arrogant. How can you strike that balance?
If you’re preparing for a job interview or promotion, ask someone else to brag on your behalf and help you identify your strengths. It might also help to write about yourself in the third person. You might use more positive, confident language when doing so.
If you're seeking recognition for your everyday work, consider teaming up with a colleague to celebrate each other’s achievements. It's often easier to promote someone else than yourself, and this way, you can support one another without feeling like you’re boasting.
In conclusion, don’t keep your achievements a secret! If you want others to benefit from the wonderful work you're doing, you need to share it with them. Think about how your success could add value: how others could learn from it, or how your findings might support them. Focusing on what you’re offering to others is a powerful way to feel good about shining your light.
References
Bowles, H. R., Babcock, L., & Lai, L. (2007). Social incentives for gender differences in the propensity to initiate negotiations: Sometimes it does hurt to ask. Organizational Behavior and human decision Processes, 103(1), 84-103. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.obhdp.2006.09.001
Exley, C. L. & Kessler, J. B. (2022). The gender gap in self-promotion. The Quarterly Journal of Economics, 137(3), 1345–1381, https://doi.org/10.1093/qje/qjac003
Lerchenmueller M. J., Sorenson O., & Jena A. B. (2019). Gender differences in how scientists present the importance of their research: observational study. BMJ, 367 https://doi.org/10.1136/bmj.l6573
Moss-Racusin, C. A., & Rudman, L. A. (2010). Disruptions in women's self-promotion: The backlash avoidance model. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 34(2), 186–202. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1471-6402.2010.01561.x