How to keep your sanity this holiday season?
Christmas is a time filled with joy and magic. For many of us, we have wonderful childhood memories that we aim to recreate for our children. But keeping up with family traditions can sometimes be a bit too much. We might also fall into the social comparison trap: When we see what other mums are doing for the holiday, it’s easy to feel the urge of doing the same. All these festive ideas can bring enchantment and delight to our family but they can also drive us to overwhelm and exhaustion…
As much as we want Christmas to be magical for our children, this should not come at the expense of our own health and wellbeing. So let’s have a look at how we can make the festive season enjoyable for everyone, including ourselves!
Why are the end-of-year holidays particularly stressful for mums?
In 2006, a survey from the American Psychological Association found that women experienced heightened stress during the holidays (Greenberg & Berktold, 2006). Forty-four percent of women and 31% of men reported an increase of stress during the festive season. The main stressors were a lack of time or money, the overwhelm of commercialism or hype, the pressure of gifts as well as family gatherings.
While 41% of men strongly agreed that they felt like they could relax during the holidays, only 27% of women felt this way. Women are usually in charge of the shopping, cooking, cleaning, decorating the house and coordinating gatherings. There is a huge mental load involved into planning the festivities. And there is an emotional burden too! The pressure of finding the right gifts, managing the kids’ excitation and expectations as well as dealing with our own triggers often re-activated by the presence of our family of origin…
When our stress-coping behaviours are not helpful…
What the 2006 Greenberg survey found is that the holiday stress experienced by women posed a real risk to their mental and physical health. There is no doubt that stress has a direct negative effect on our bodies. Though this physical toll is accentuated by the fact that, during the holidays, we are even more likely than usual to rely on unhealthy behaviours to manage our stress.
When the festive season comes, we tend to skip our exercise routine and adopt a more sedentary lifestyle. On the top of that, we are more likely to turn to food and alcohol for comfort. That’s not a surprise, with all the Christmas goodies around and numerous events where we can indulge in a drink or two (or more). All these factors act like an explosive cocktail as we know that poor nutrition will impact our ability to cope with the weight of festive obligations.
How to look after yourself this holiday season
If food and alcohol are not the solution to calm our feelings of overwhelm, then what should we do instead? (Side note: I hope you do enjoy those Christmas treats and a few drinks, just listen to your body to stop when you had enough). I have a few tips to help you approach the holiday season with peace of mind:
Prep ahead. The more you anticipate before the big rush, the easier it will be for you to enjoy the festivities in the moment. But let’s be clear: by prepping I don’t mean planning every detail perfectly. I also don’t want you to do even more just because you started earlier. When you prep, think about what you want to do, what you can ditch, delegate or simplify (see next point)
Don’t try to do it all. When planning your tasks, ask yourself whether you enjoy doing them or not. If that’s something you like, it goes on your list! If that’s something that’s overwhelming you, the second question is whether anyone cares about it (and I mean, really cares. Because some things are nice, like receiving a greeting card, but if we don’t get it we’ll be alright). If this doesn’t make a big difference, we can let go of this tradition. And if this is something we hate doing but is important to others, we can delegate it to our partners or family members, or we can find a compromise (e.g. we just decorate one corner of the living room instead of the whole house).
Maintain your routines as much as possible. If you have some regular habits of exercising, mindfulness or other wellbeing practices, try to not skip them during the holiday. These practices are what helps you keep your balance all year long, they are even more needed when everything feels a bit too much. If you can’t stick to your routine, try to find a substitute (e.g you might go for a walk in lieu of your yoga class).
Slow down. Take it one step at a time. Every time you feel overwhelmed, pause and breathe. Anchor yourself in the moment and remember that the holiday is to be enjoyed. Look around you and see what small joy you can take in.
Do not strive for perfection. Christmas does not have to be perfect to be magical. Your children will remember the precious moments you shared together, they won’t remember the mess in the kitchen. Although other adults might notice that mess (aka your mother or your in laws) so it’s about letting go of external expectations and accepting that we can’t please everyone. Focus on what really matters to you and the way you want to celebrate this holiday.
I’d like to add a personal note for the mums who will not spend Christmas with their children this year. You may choose to celebrate it before or after the date and still create a magical moment with your little ones. And on the day, I hope you surround yourself with family or friends, or that you find ways to pamper yourself, because you deserve it! I will myself celebrate Christmas with my daughter on the 23rd, we will have a special day just the two of us before she goes with her dad for the celebrations. My family will be overseas but I will have a small dinner with friends on Christmas Eve, and I will also take some much needed time to reconnect with myself over this period. For me Christmas will be a bit different this year, it will nonetheless be beautiful.
Wishing you all wonderful mums a happy holiday season!