Should you work after putting the kids to bed?
Most people will tell you that in order to achieve balance, you need to leave work at work. Of course, there is a lot of truth in that. Bringing home projects from the office and spending all of your evenings absorbed in your job until midnight seems unsustainable and your health will eventually suffer. But I’d like to introduce some nuances to the idea that you should never work after hours. I would argue that, in some specific circumstances, working from home at night could help you achieve balance.
So let’s unpack the pros and cons of working after the kids have been put to bed.
When you should NOT work at night
Let’s first have the look at the signs that you should stop working at night because I don’t want to put you under the wrong impression that working after hours is always good for balance - must of the time, it isn’t!
When working late is impacting your sleep. This could be either because you’re not getting enough hours of sleep or because you go to bed right after switching off your laptop and thoughts about work keep you awake. If this is the case, you need to set firm boundaries on the time when you stop working to ensure that you can fully relax and get enough rest.
When you’re too tired to achieve anything. Some of us are night owls and will be more productive late in the evening. I know I’m not. I know that when I work at night, I am unlikely to do a good job. That’s why setting the intention to finish something after kids are in bed is often unproductive for me. I will spend hours responding to emails or browsing the internet instead of focusing on what really needs to be done and then I’ll beat myself up for doing so. Not to mention that I will be tired the next morning so even less likely to progress quickly…
When you don’t have time for yourself or for your partner. For many working mums, we can only breathe when the children are finally asleep. This is a sacred time of the day when we can have a couple of quiet hours to either connect with our partner or just having a bit of “me-time” reading, journaling, listening to music… if working at night impacts on your romantic relationship or doesn’t allow you to have any down-time, it’s a sign that you need stronger boundaries so that your working hours do not bleed into your personal time.
When you’re stressing up because your kids won’t go to bed. Bedtime could be magical. We can fully relax with our children, either playing a quiet game or reading. This is when our kids are the most likely to open up about what might be bothering them. But if we feel rushed and can’t think about anything but the pile of files waiting for us, this beautiful moment of connection could rapidly turn into a battle: “why aren’t you in bed already?!” If working at night prevents you from being present with your family, it’s time to re-assess.
When working at night could bring you balance
There are some circumstances when getting a bit of work done at night will allow you to arrange your daily schedule in a way that suits your own and your family’s needs
When working a few hours at night allows you to spend time with your kids. This is especially true if your kids go to bed early (but surely won’t apply if you have a child who stays up until 11pm). You might choose to leave work earlier so you can enjoy being with your kids after school and then catch up on your work at night.
When it allows you to exercise. We know that high-intensity workout is not recommended just before sleep, it will keep you awake! This means that exercising after putting kids to bed at night is not ideal. So if you have the flexibility to go to the gym during your work hours (when kids are at daycare or at school) and then pick up the remaining workload at home, this might help you keep healthy.
When it permits you to fit more joy within your day. This flexibility is not just about more family time or being active, it applies to anything that brings you happiness. For instance, you might choose to take an extra hour on your lunch break to catch up with a friend even if that means you’ll have to finish up a bit later at night.
Very occasionally, when it allows you to achieve your goals. Sometimes we have important deadlines, we’re working hard for a promotion or we want to nail a presentation and this can motivates us to work hard. Occasional rushes still fit into a balanced life. The key here is to make sure that they are temporary, that it has a very clear end date (ideally no more than a couple of weeks). If you continue working late after you’re finish a first project because there’s another project that requires your attention and this pace drags on for a few months, it’s time to stop and make a plan to reclaim your evenings.
A few tips to make sure you don’t lose balance
Sleep is a non-negotiable. I could not stress that enough. If working at night interferes with your sleep, you need to stop. Remind yourself that you’ll accomplish much more during the day if you are fully rested.
Limit the number of evenings you’re working to a couple per week. Working every night will put you out of balance, you need some down-time. It’s okay to work every night for one week, it’s not okay to do that on a long-term basis. So if you want to include after-hours work as part of your regular schedule, you need to make sure you have healthy boundaries in place and these include being clear on the maximum number of nights you will work per week (I’d suggest no more than 2!) and the time when you need to stop working and start relaxing/go to bed no matter what.
Clearly set out work outcomes. You don’t want to be working for the sake of working, you need to ensure that you achieve what you set yourself to. Have a clear (and realistic) plan on what you want to get done in the evening. Be clear on your why! Hint: wanting to appear hard-working is not a good enough reason to sacrifice your evenings. If there’s nothing urgent, then take the evening off! Don’t keep working at night out of habit if it’s not bringing your career forward.
Schedule “me-time” and partner time. You don’t want your work schedule to put a strain on your relationship, so make sure you carve quality time with your partner. Decide on one or two nights per week (or more if you’d like) when you just spend time together - it doesn’t have to be something fancy, it could just be watching Netflix together. Setting those mini-dates will ensure you protect this time for each other. Similarly, at least once a week you need to have a “solo-date” aka “me-time” when you just relax (again, schedule it so you don’t plan work on that night).
Allow 15-20min between finishing work and going to bed to calm down. Do some yoga moves, read a fiction book, meditate… Pick one activity that allows you to switch off and signals to your brain that work is done and it’s now time to rest.
A finale note. If you’ve been following my blog, you’ll notice that this one is unusual because I am not citing any research nor relying on any source of information. This is because everything is this article is just my own opinion. And as any opinion, it is not an absolute truth and I might be wrong 😉 But if I had to leave you with a take-home message, it would be that there is no golden rule when it comes to work-life balance. If working in the evenings allows you to do more of the stuff that matters to you without impacting your sleep, your ability to relax or your time with your family, then working at night might be part of a balanced life.