Mindfulness for Busy Mums
As mums, we often live on autopilot mode. In the morning, we mechanically serve our kids breakfast, prepare lunchboxes without even thinking about it, get ready as fast as possible, rush our kids out of the house and if we’re lucky we’re able to get a sip of coffee before heading to work. As our day goes on, we accomplish task after task almost without realising it. We rarely take the time to breathe…
Our autopilot has some advantages: it allows us to be efficient and quickly tick things off our to-do list while our brain conserves energy for more complicated tasks. But when we are constantly on autopilot, it creates a disconnect: we’re not here. We’re not attuned to our environment, we’re not attuned to the ones around us, we’re not even attuned to ourselves. Practicing mindfulness means reconnecting ourselves with the present and by doing so, we can better respond to our children’s needs.
But what is mindfulness?
Mindfulness is the practice of paying full attention to the present by observing what is here and now, without judgment. Our mind has this natural tendency to wander, to either ruminate on the past or worry about the future. Through mindfulness practice, we anchor ourselves into the present by connecting to our breath or bodily sensations. We simply notice what is happening in the moment, both externally (e.g. our feet touching the floor, fresh air on our skin) and internally (e.g. tense shoulders, butterflies in the stomach).
In other words, practicing mindfulness is just being here. That sounds simple, no? In reality, being present is far from easy. Haven’t I mentioned that our brain always wants to take us somewhere else? Our mind will rehearse our grocery list, worry about the unpaid bills, or ruminate about a disagreement with our spouse… Even when we set the intention of being here, our mind will naturally escape at some point!
So how to practice mindfulness?
First of all, you don’t need to sit quietly for hours to practice mindfulness (but you can if you wish to and manage to find the time and space without kids screaming around you 😉). To be effective, mindfulness should be incorporated into our everyday life. This could take the form of formal practice (e.g. meditation) or informal practice (brief check-in), ideally both.
There’s many different ways to meditate and you can find a variety of free guided meditations online. The essence of mindfulness meditation consists in noticing our mind drifting away and constantly and patiently bring it back to the here and now. Most importantly, we have to do this without judgement! The absence of judgement is at the core of the meditation practice. We just observe. Give it a go! For 5 minutes, notice when your mind wanders and bring it back gently to the present, like a toddler who would have run away. Gently back to the here and now….
To bring your mind back to the present, you can use an anchor. Your breath is a great anchor. Try focusing your attention on the air coming in and out of your nostrils, or on the movements of your abdomen, or anywhere else in your body where you can feel your respiration (such as your back). Or you can focus on your body sensations, feel your feet on the floor, the air on our face, notice the sounds around you, the smells…
You can then incorporate mindfulness practice along your day. Some like to set an alarm on their phone. When the alarm goes off, just take note on where your mind was: was it engaged in the activity you’re doing or lost in thoughts? You can also use daily activities to practice mindfulness: notice how your feet touch the floor when walking, take the time to smell your cup of tea, feel the water running on your skin when taking a shower… I particularly enjoy doing the dishes (no kidding!), I focus on the delightful sensation of the warm water on my hands.
Ok. That’s nice, but why mindfulness is useful for us, mums?
First thing, research has shown that we’re happier when we’re fully engaged in the present (A Wandering Mind is an Unhappy Mind). And of course, happy mum = happy kid!
But that’s not all! Mindfulness teaches us to be attuned to our body sensations, making us more capable of noticing our emotions before they explode and become out of control. We will be able to sense the slight tension in our shoulders when our kid refuses to brush their teeth, and take that deep breath that will allow us to remain calm. The more we practice mindfulness, the more we’re able to sit with uncomfortable emotions without being overwhelmed. An through emotional regulation, we can better attend to our needs and to those of our loved ones.
In summary, mindfulness is being present and you don’t have to be a meditation guru to practice it.
By incorporating mindfulness within your day, you’ll be more connected to yourself and to your kids (and your spouse or anyone around you) and will be happier.
Check the resources below to start!
Resources:
https://www.tarabrach.com/establishing-a-meditation-practice/
https://www.petitbambou.com/en
https://www.smilingmind.com.au/smiling-mind-app
Book: Mindfulness for Mums and Dads- Proven strategies for calming down and connecting, By Dr Diana Korevaar